Tuesday, October 09, 2007

how to brainwash the kiddies

I think I've finally got a handle on this parenting thing.
Maybe it's a little premature to say, but ever since I started brainwashing the girls parenting has become relatively easy and stress free. I can't be certain until the girls are full-grown, but I believe my method will take care of any problems we face in the future as well. Maybe I've discovered the parenting "secret." It'd be great if I ended up making millions by writing a long-winded book and making a cheesey video about my new found tactics. I'm pretty sure Einstein, Homer Simpson, and Galileo used some of the same methods on their children. But before I hit up Simon and Schuster with my big idea I thought I'd throw out a blog to see if other parents have used brainwashing and if they find it effective.

So here are my brainwashing 101 basics:

Spy on your kido. Listen in on a conversation. Talk to one of their friend's parents or their teacher. Find out something that they don't know you know.

Hold on to your little precious nugget of info until the context is right. It's best to pick a moment when the child is happily telling you about something that has something to do with your piece of info. The goal is to get your child to say, "How did YOU know that?"

3rd--SEIZE and MOLD
Here's the crucial moment. After the, "How did YOU know that?" you have to calmly and confidently say, "sweety, your mother knows everything and she always will." I think the key is finding as many situations as possible where you get to reinforce your omniscience. So repeat steps 1 through 3 as many times as possible.

It's so easy and fun, every parent should try it.

What brainwashed children look like...


colie-o said...


loved those pics! I showed them to the fam here and they thought they were so cute. I also loved that video, man I miss you guys!

Catherine M. said...

On brainwashing...

Sweet, serene Grace actually got into a fight with one of her friends about this. It turns out that brainwashing works best when the oldest child is still young.

Grace's friend Edie has an older tweener sister. Grace bragged to Edie that "my mom knows almost anything... more than anyone else in the world!"

Edie was infuriated because her older sister had clued her in that mommies are clueless, yet she could not convince Grace of this fact.

Grace was so shocked that anyone would dare challenge my skills that she talked about the exchange for days.. "Mom, she didn't know did she?"

Mom said...

WHAT!!!!!! You let the secret out of the bag! Now Tom will figure out that I'm not omniscient.

Emily said...

Hi Sarah. This is Emily. I always see your blog from Lindsay's and take the liberty to take a peek every now and then :) Good idea, the brainwashing! And I love the pictures of your brainwashed kids. It's always nice to let the kids know you're watching their every move. We try out our version every once in a while: it mostly involves the baby monitor and a low-toned voice. It gets Bruce every time! I love that monitor. Sounds like you're doing well in Texas. Good luck with the marathon!

skousenmom said...

Do yo think it's too late to start? Acutally, Jared figured it out a long time ago, and has since been sure to let everyone know that I am definately NOT all-knowing. I don't think I was as clever as you though--maybe it would have helped if I hadn't grown up as almost an only child. Oh well,l what's done is done. Wish I'd learned the secret sooner. Good job!